...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
