That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
