if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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