Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
