I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
