I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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