I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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