Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
