apparently the secret to your success is patron
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
