My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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