I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
