phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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