Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
