My first STD was from a foam party
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
