This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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