had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
