So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
