I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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