Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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