Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
