I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
