Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
