im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
