i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
