She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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