um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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