I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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