If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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