I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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