My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
