her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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