just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
