Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
