i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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