I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
