32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
