She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
