I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
