im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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