walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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