I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
