I bet he comes in French.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
