you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
