What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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