toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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