Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
