i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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