Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
