the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
