the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
